Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Finding Peace

It is interesting... this adoption journey has taught me a lot about myself. I think that pregnancy could (in theory - and maybe for some) have a similar effect. However, I was so crazy hormonal with my girls that I didn't care much about self introspection and personal growth (other than growth of my midsection)!

But I can honestly say that this stressful, joyful, horribly painful, frustrating, exciting, emotional roller-coaster of a journey has made me look at myself and what I want for Mark and I and our family.

Turns out I don't have much patience. I know, this is a total shock to most of you.

I'm hot headed. Quick to anger when I want to protect my family. Easily hurt when it comes to my children. I am much more of a softee than I ever claimed to be in the past. I cry easily these days. The mere thought of my kids that I have yet to meet can make me randomly catch my breath in the middle of a meeting.

I have grown so much as a parent, although still much MUCH growing left to do!

What a revelation. Scary thing really.

Yesterday I spoke with someone at our agency. I won't go into the details, but she explained to me in more detail what had happened with our case. And, she basically admitted that it WAS preventable and should've been caught. To be perfectly honest, I was taken aback by this. And then I just let go of a lot of the anger and emotion that had been bottled up since Saturday (well, Friday really). How many times have I screwed up something at work? No one is perfect. Owning up to a mistake is a big deal - especially with a potentially emotional parent on the phone (although I was very polite and NOT emotional). It was like a weight had been lifted.

Although the error is easily correctable and it appears our file is in order other than that, there are no guaranties we'll pass with flying colors next time. Once we go before the court again on the 21st, someone else could review our file and find something else they want. But this was good to know - I need to still remain cautious. But I feel very hopeful.

Abi and Hana are my children. Maybe not legally yet. but they will be eventually. And at that point all of this frustration will melt away. And that first real hug will make it all worthwhile.


Natalie, David and Baby said...

Well, for what it's worth, the 21st is my birthday. A very fabulous and lucky day to make Abi and Hana official.

I can't wait to see you this weekend.

Jillienne said...

I completely understand where you are coming from, I am not as far along yet, but I just wrote a post similar to this on my blog. Here is to awesome endings to both of our adoption stories......

friedlings said...

Lovely, Cat!

Interstingly, at least one of the BIG adoption agencies working in Ethiopia does not tell parents when their court date will be.

They are informed after the fact when it's been approved!

I think it takes a certain amount of transparency and courage for an agency to keep the adoptive family aware of the court date - for the reason you mentioned. We all make mistakes as you said.

Two years from now when you've wiped their noses 500 times, you will reflect on the process and stand in amazement at how quickly it really happened all things considered.

It just doesn't feel like it when you're in the midst of labor. : )

Denise said...

Oh, yeah, I had forgotten that Selam Store does take out, too! I had discounted them because on Saturdays their restaurant isn't open but for reservations or order-ahead take out. But I could order ahead... :)

Denise said...

I also had wanted to say that I'm really sorry about your court date. I totally know how you feel. :( It will all work out though, I'm confident. It took us 4 tries and that time was very, very hard on me. I do hope your next one is positive and the time until then passes quickly.